associated in random thought

unoriginal.

take two. my first attempt at this entry was somehow erased. perfect.

anyway, what i said was something like this:

once again, i am stealing from someone else's blog, this time from jude. i cried when i saw this photo just now, because it is belfast, and because helen said those same words to me not 5 minutes previous:

i am downright drained right now, from over a week of the sick, followed by girly hormones. and i am writing again, really writing. all of my focus is going toward that act, and i'm tired.

all this to say, my favorite green shirt, which used to fit so very nicely, will no longer button properly. i over-reacted this morning, mumbling obscenities at the shirt and my belly, which has grown just a tiny bit since my ankle sent me to the couch with a bag of cheetos.

as a former anorexic girl (my drug of choice in high school), i don't do so well with weight gain. but, i threw on a baggy linen shirt, and sped off to work, angry. the fucking austin drivers were worse than usual today, and i spilled my coffee.

i am not a happy bananie.

i am currently in utter contempt of every phonecall and email i must deal with this morning. i have no people skills.

but. as kim thomas once taught me as mantra: i am not my mood.

so, for now, i will stare at jude's photo, and hope that nice thoughts toward myself will soon descend like a dove.

Posted by bananie at April 26, 2005 9:29 AM