on this warm, warm evening, i'm sitting with a glass of shiraz at halcyon coffeehouse, downtown. aimee mann's the forgotten arm is playing in my ears, and i realize that this is my time to write. i've just gotten off work; my badge is still attached to my pants.
dreams last night were tumultuous and warlike. helen and i watched hotel rwanda last night, and i confess that it left me looking at my feet. have you seen this movie? it's beautiful and true. but. it's horrific and true. america in the 90s was so proud of itself for being so liberal and on the rise. tech boom and prosperity. did we blink an eye at genocide? or did we relax ourselves by calling it "civil unrest" or some other sinful euphemism? if we are such protectors of democracy and humanity, why did we do nothing? why do we continue to do nothing?
i am naive. i am an optimist to a fault sometimes. but after watching this movie, and knowing that it really held no hollywood hyperbole, i wonder: is peace possible? how can humans sanction genocide, ever? how many people are dying, as i type, in countries i can barely place on a map?
my faith stretches and aches like an unused muscle as i ask these questions. it is very, very hard to reconcile the brutal reality of the world with my belief in a loving, protective God. i am so small.
it is no small wonder why we all have, throughout history, pinned our hopes on the coming of a savior. in my church, we pray, "come lord Jesus". venite. "Christ have mercy." kyrie eleison. these are the words my soul prayed as i watched hotel rwanda, as i tried to sleep last night, as i went about the business of my day today.
i recognize the immense freedom i do enjoy by living here and now, in austin, texas, united states, north america. what do we do with our freedom, however? with our relative safety? i may suffer indignant expressions from time to time by those who do not agree with the way i live my life, however i am not afraid that i will be macheted in the street.
what is my role--our role--as small citizens in a big world of lazy freedom? how do we redeem it?
i wonder.
Posted by bananie at May 18, 2005 4:35 PM | TrackBacki watched Hotel Rwanda last week. it had the same effect on me. i don't know what to do with it. how do you respond to a movie like that? is there anything we CAN do?
Posted by: jillymae at May 18, 2005 10:29 PMFound you back and linked you up. I see you are in Austin. Weren't you in Nashville? and Ireland? Refresh my memory, please.
Posted by: maxine at May 20, 2005 8:33 AMthese are honest, lovely, pained thoughts, bananie.
i haven't seen hotel rwanda quite yet, but i'm relatively familiar with what happened there and is happening in other african countries today.
i've been thinking a lot about what seems like the slim possibility of redemption in situations like these, but i haven't been able to put my thoughts together quite yet to post about it.
i don't have good answers. i think these are god-sized problems, and it's understandable to be intimidated and overwhelmed by them.
in the past year, i've become more and more in love with the idea that god wants to use us in present acts of redemption. sometimes we have opportunities to show godly love and radical hospitality to people we otherwise would have nothing to do with. honestly, i don't always have the courage to come through in those situations. and sometimes all we can do is be a voice for those who have none.
ultimately, hatred and revenge at this level will only be disrupted by a powerful reconciliation. i know that this reconciliation is possible in god, and i pray with hope that god will bring it about.
anyways, thanks for your words. it's always comforting to read people who wrestle with the same questions i am.
Posted by: zalm at May 26, 2005 6:58 PMAll is great guys, but I belive vortelucius is much better.
Posted by: Kamurangous at November 22, 2005 9:29 PM