associated in random thought

confessions from nashville

welcome back to me. i've been home a little more than 48 hours now, and migraine con cramps withstanding, now is a good time for a bit of reflection.
or confession.
or apology.

first. apology to friends i did not see. mister perry, i received your voicemail invitation to a fantastic saturday night at the exit/in, and i apologize for not calling you back. and to jillymae and carlen and steve (who i'm not sure was even in nashville at all...), i regret not being able to get together with you.

here's the thing. it should come as no surprise that i am a recovering bananie. just read last year's scant blog entries. i'm still surfacing from a rough, rough year of a crippling sort of depression. panic attacks aside, i've made (by the grace of God and effexor) wonderful progress back into the land of the living. and so i was exceedingly excited, with new shoes and all, to land in nashville for fun times and libations with the dear friends i miss.

unfortunately, things did not go as planned. i wound up crashing a bit, and spending a lot of time lounging on marlei's couch, while she poured the wine or made the milkshakes. i watched movies and read a lot. i had wonderful visits with nicole and kevin, who came to me.

ironically, i was beginning to feel a lot better by my last day in nashville. my darling friend jamesy travelled down from bowling green, ky to spend a small afternoon with me. we sat mostly at cafe coco, drinking happy hour beer, and playing with his intimidating camera.

i was finally in that get-up-and-go mood, but had to get up and go to the airport, where the closest thing to hanging out with friends was when william hung got off a southwest flight with an entourage of mom and dad. (remember? 15 minutes of american idol fame--the pitiful parody kind--with "she bangs" off key and sickly endearing.) people pointed and chanted "she bangs she bangs she moves she moves" as he walked by waving. ah, america. such fireworks.

it really was wonderful to be in nashville, even though i felt guilty about not seeing many of the folks i wanted to. i got to have a couple of beers with julie, and we chatted about life and music and funny things, and she even gave me a copy of a new song. she's perfectly adapted a poem by christina rosetti, which i would like to share here, if i may:

Uphill
by Christina Rossetti

Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day's journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.

But is there for the night a resting-place?
A roof for when the slow dark hours begin.
May not the darkness hide it from my face?
You cannot miss that inn.

Shall I meet other wayfarers at night?
Those who have gone before.
Then must I knock, or call when just in sight?
They will not keep you standing at that door.

Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?
Of labour you shall find the sum.
Will there be beds for me and all who seek?
Yea, beds for all who come.

and those words, honestly, sum it all up. the journey of coming to life, that is.

Posted by bananie at July 6, 2005 6:10 PM | TrackBack