associated in random thought

faith and doubt friday.

it's another day in nashville, tennessee, which began slowly enough with poptarts for breakfast before meeting kevin at mccreary's for lunch. on a whim, we decided to go see clerks2, which was surprisingly fantastic.

afterward, i went back to marlei's to rest before getting hottied up to go to the opening night of a play called faith/doubt. i'd brought hottie-up clothes, but when i pulled up the pants i just bought in may, they did not fit. naturally, this catastrophe threw me into a hormone-induced tailspin. my hair sucked. i had to dress ridiculously casual. i felt like the frumpy tshirt friend with whom you never want to be seen in public. i was that drab and suddenly obese.

and so i cried awhile, of course. and i called helen and cried to her. i have a migraine. i have cramps. i want to come home! she helped me buck up like she always does, and kevin, marlei, and i thoroughly enjoyed faith/doubt, which is a collection of nashville's own stories of faith and doubt woven into a beautiful narrative.

seriously, though, i don't know what my problem is. i'm here, in nashville, surrounded by people i love so much, and my heart is enormously achy. so much so that i guiltily feel like driving home immediately, if only to hide under the covers of my own bed.

kevin was so kind and attentive to me tonight. we enjoyed a late night dinner at boscos, before heading back to his place to play with his pups awhile. (schmelen, i took photos of the dachshunds.) we lazily sat over beers and good conversation, and i was able to relax and simply be here for a moment or two.

now, it's one in the morning, and charley is sacked out on my foot. the night is drizzly and cool, and i am so ready for the wave of sadness and panic to pass over my head while i sleep.

may i wake up tomorrow without a migraine, and with a lighter heart.
in that need, i put all the faith i can muster tonight.
amen.