associated in random thought

holy oh my goodness!

friday afternoon, and i'm enjoying a bit of time at bongo java, one of my old haunts. it's indescribably wonderful to sit at this place where i have so much history--dates, intense conversations with friends, cramming for midterms and finals--and simply have the freedom to enjoy myself, and be by myself.

and holy oh my goodness, batman, there is a breeze on this porch! there is rain in the forecast! sweet relief, how i knew you would come.

meanwhile, there is always an adjustment period whenever i come to nashville, although it was different when i was here with helen in may. there is simply so much of my life here that i left behind when i moved, and when i throw myself back into this place, i experience some emotional dizziness in the transition from present to past and bringing the two together.

as i left marlei's house this afternoon, the fog was thick in my head. driving down familiar roads, everything felt foreign. am i really here? did i drive thirteen hours yesterday? nothing felt real but the shifting of gears. and then, the fog suddenly lifted, and nashville became familiar again. there's my old street. that's where i got my first speeding ticket. oh, i remember when this happened in that neighborhood. i'm here! i'm here!

and here i am. i live in austin; it is my home. i love my life there. and i am free to return to nashville, because it is home too. i have my cake, and it is rich and excuisite, as i savor small bites.

ah, it's good to be back. i promise to allow myself the room and grace to be present this week, come what may.