associated in random thought

more.

i have been feeling well and balanced and something like whole lately; i haven't experienced a longer season of contentment in about four years. i wondered if i would ever enjoy such stability again.

i've been holding so tightly to calm, centered moments for a long time. and now, it's exhale. i really, really get to exhale.

some of this release has come with our new home. paradise, the house, is the proverbial clean slate for helen and me. every decision we make, from decorating to utilities, is one we make together. everything equal. everything new. everything shared. in the 3 1/2 years we've been together, we've played a constant game of geographic tug-o-war: who moves where? who makes room? etc. and now? the dust has settled, and here we are in a home that feels like home to both of us.

i am writing again. for the first time in two years, i am under the deadlines of school, and this kind of productivity is spinning my gears again. the dust is flying--i'd recommend wearing protective eye gear when reading this blog for the next month or so--but those tired gears are moving. and i'm writing. i have even taken on the most important freelance project of my life. i wish i could say more, but for now, imagine being given the gift of writing someone's sacred, wrenching, ridiculously hopeful lifestory? i was given this gift recently, and i have accepted. and parts of this writing process will become a part of my schooling this semester. i will learn as i create, rewrite, and take dictation. the lines between my education and my work will be blurred, and i cannot think of a better scenario for such a project.

i was promoted at work last week. i do what i used to do, only now i do it with written words. i'm still working mad overtime, but every day feels like vacation compared to before. i am grateful. so so grateful.

i'm grateful that i feel content even as i suffer my yearly cold/bronchial nastiness. i am aware of how wonderful my life is. i love. i am loved. i have a steadier income than i have ever had. and i am alive to see it.

i know that the calm never stays. tomorrow, simply getting out of bed may be a horrid task. this longer centered season, however, has allowed me to build up the reserves to pick myself up by the bootstraps when i need to. my heart is healing. i am growing.

Posted by bananie at September 20, 2006 6:50 PM | TrackBack