associated in random thought

another foggy day.

i can't keep doing this seroquel thing. my dosage is just about where my dr would like for it to be, and yet, the exhaustion is still quite daunting.

helen immediately knew this morning that i'd taken the pill last night. i don't stir. at all. i didn't stir until she woke me up after noon. the inside of my cheek was bloody and scabby from clamping down on it all night with no reprieve. i was too asleep to notice that i was biting myself hard.

i did go to work, groggily, and kept pace for a few hours, until i requested to be relieved. (our department is quiet now, and one can leave early most days.) the fog was becoming headache, and i just wanted to go home.

and here i am at 6:30 pm. the sun is setting. charley is dreaming at my feet. helen is in class, and i am trying to stay awake. after all, i have a book to write. a story to edit. many pages to read. and yet.

i cant reach through this thickness, out to the world i know is there, with all its responsibilities and promises. if a stable mood is numbness, detachment, and malaise, then bravo, seroquel. you are doing your job.