on saturday night, moments after finishing the fun, fun photobooth session with charley and clem, my phone rang. it was a close friend in crisis, needing my emergency advice. a life or death moment. this was bigger than her. bigger than me. i trusted my gut. i called the police for help. the details will never be mine to tell. but. my plea to the authorities without her permission escalated the crisis moment further. so much so that she is very, very angry with me. at this point, i don't know if she will ever speak to me again.
drama aside, her anger toward me of course makes me feel like shit. i know i did the right thing. i am not sorry. but there is nothing worse than being rejected by someone you love, especially when you acted out of love to help.
how does a girl who is prone to panic attacks deal with such a blow, such drama? sure, i had a few beers. but then i got up yesterday and worked out hard with maria. i beat out my anger and frustration on the punching bag. i thoroughly enjoyed a brunch made by tara. i walked the dogs. helen and i had fabulous indian cuisine at clay pit with greg (formerly gregg). i slept a healthy night's sleep.
and this morning, helen and i walked the 5 mile loop at town lake with maria and the dogs.
the panic is still here. the grief at the great possibility that i have lost a friend.
i loved as best i knew how. that is all i have to give. i've given all now.
i don't understand why relationships are crumbling all around us, and though i'm grateful that our friends find us a safe place, it is becoming a balancing act not to take on every burden as our own, as my own. i love. i am loved. we are healthy and happy and home. remember, remember.
dear november: enough with the drama. i'd like to celebrate thanksgiving with the warm fuzzies. i'm tired of the clenched teeth.
here's to another day of learning not to internalize the brokenness of the whole world.
thank God for helen, who knows how to hold me until i come back to my senses.
Hey there. Just letting you know I'm reading along and glad that your new life program is going so well in spite of the times of drama.
Posted by: Lori at November 14, 2006 9:30 PMthanks lori. glad to have you here. :)
Posted by: bananie at November 14, 2006 9:36 PMI'm looking for Anne McCarthy - she went to Girl's Latin school - I need to find her - I found a poem called freedom I know she wrote it - Gabrielle
Posted by: Gabrielle at November 22, 2006 9:27 AM