the year is drawing to a close, as we all know, and the wind is blowing hard in austin. tornado watch. thick black clouds moving fast. the low familiar rumble. and cooler weather to follow.
the day began with innocuous grey skies. i awoke in a nighmare sweat, after dreaming of tornadoes and being lost outside, without cover. and, oddly enough, my biggest fear was not the elements, but losing my job for not being able to get there.
my workout with maria was cancelled at the last minute, and part of me was relieved, as i felt like staying in bed and sleeping off the nightmare. instead, i got up, had a cup of coffee, and watched the skies. helen suggested we walk the dogs before the rain came, and so we left the recuperating clemmie at home, and leashed up moe and charley and lucy.
we walked the hilly 2 mile loop of our neighborhood as the sky drizzled on us in fits and starts. the wind began to blow. i took off my sweater, felt the rain fall on my shoulders. the pups panted. helen and i walked and walked and laughed. we channeled cesar milan's calm-and-assertiveness when neighborhood stray dogs approached, barking. not one came near.
i tell this story for its manifold significance to me:
1. i got out of bed after a long night of nightmares. a year ago, i would have remained pinned to my bed, probably for the whole day. the colossal fear felt so acutely in dreamlife would have stolen the energy required for me to simply take on the day.
2. even though my workout was cancelled, i made my body get off its ass. this is a big deal for a sloth like me.
3. i had a wonderful morning with my love, not to mention my dogs. i enjoyed the neigborhood where i live. the bad juju of bad dreams fell away, and my day is now light and joyful.
despite the now-black sky, the tornado watch, the rain pelting the roof--i am calm. and strong. and i am very ready to dive into barton springs on new years morning, holding helen's hand. what better way to christen the new year than baptism into it?
Posted by bananie at December 29, 2006 5:28 PM | TrackBackI feel the weight of those words, A. You are inspiring many with the steps you're taking towards wellness and pushing back the effects of the fall. Keep fighting, girl. It means much to many, including me.
Posted by: flibbityflu at December 31, 2006 10:47 PM