associated in random thought

issues.

sipping a coffee liqueur concoction that martini joe came up with, after a long uneventful day at work.
helen is mowing the yard with the huhduhduh. the dogs are all vying for my attention, somewhat violently throwing themselves against my side as i lie in bed and type.

i am cranky.

i am cranky for mostly trivial reasons. i had a crown replaced last week, after the last one came loose and what used to be food took up residence underneath. and now, the new crown seems to be headed in the same disgusting direction. the result? really sore gums, and shuddering pain when room temperature liquid touches the vicinity. lets not discuss cold liquid.

also. on friday, i spent the better part of an afternoon at the doctor, with my feet in stirrups. no, it was not a gynecological visit. i would have preferred that, actually. in reality, i was bitten by a spider or a mosquito or something. the bite got infected before i even knew i had it, and it turns out that i developed a staph infection. so why the stirrups, you ask?? because this bite happened to be on my very inner thigh, near the unmentionable area. and i had to have it lanced. i won't even tell you about the 5 cc's of stuff the doctor extracted for culturing.

and so. now i'm on internal and external antibiotics alike, and i have to keep the area covered in a big, sticky heavy duty bandaid. removing this bandaid is what i like to call painful as a mothereffer. that is the clinical term.

meh.

my crankiness has got me thinking about other issues.
unfortunately, dear readers, some of my issues end up involving you. and i apologize in advance.

issue 1. the telephone.
(those of you who have called me in the past 2 years know where i'm going with this.)

i have grown to hate the telephone. maybe it has something to do with working in a call center environment. or maybe it's the fact that i spent over a year making a long distance relationship work with the phone as our most reliable means of communication. i don't know. all i know is that i never use the phone if i don't absolutely have to anymore.

people call me, and i end up not calling them back. it has nothing to do with not wanting to communicate with friends and family; i simply clam up when i even think about making a phonecall. i wish i could better convey my anxiety about using the phone at all, but it causes so much that relationships suffer.

i can make phonecalls that have no emotional importance. appointments are fine. calling a friend to confirm plans is fine (though i much prefer texting). it's making a phonecall for purpose of having a meaningful conversation that is inexplicably agonizing.

to those who call me and leave me messages that get responded to with emails, let me use this cliché that is actually true: it's not you, it's me.

ok. just writing that silly confession has exhausted me. i'm not up for writing about issue 2. perhaps next time.

if you've read this far into the post, i apologize.
i realize it is totally wah wah.
unfortunately, it's the truth of my deepest inner life today.

/end.

Posted by bananie at June 10, 2007 5:21 PM | TrackBack