associated in random thought

in the balance.

the word is not good from erie, pa. i have spent more time on the phone in the past few days than i have all year.

mh is slipping away from us. her kidneys are shutting down. her heart is irreparably damaged. and so, the medicines are being stopped. the breathing tube will be removed. her will stipulates dnr. the efforts have shifted from treatment to making her comfortable.

meanwhile, i am doing everything i can to hold myself together with some sort of perspective. she is 90. her body is simply letting go. death comes for all of us, and this is her time. i have been blessed to have been her friend, the one she trusted her stories to, for so long.

waiting is the worst part. i want to be by her bedside, kissing her head, telling her stories. she is still conscious. she looks and waves weakly. i'm waving from texas, sending messages with my mother. it's all i can do.

i am still trying desperately to figure out how to get to erie. helen and i have talked about driving--with a rest stop in nashville--but not a day later, our claira cat got sick. this on top of the high maintenance kittens we are trying to find homes for. how can we both leave with our home in such disarray?

and so, i am hoping that maybe i'll find a flight that will not break the bank, and get to mh's bedside to say goodbye. i haven't seen her in so long. i ache to be with my family as we lose our matriarch, our storyteller.

time's ticktocking is unbearably loud and slow today.

Posted by bananie at August 5, 2007 3:06 PM | TrackBack