associated in random thought

sunday.

the thing that my grandmother never mentioned when she told me to dive in [see 4 december blog] was that diving isn't necessarily graceful. sometimes you do bellyflops. sometimes you can't hold your breath. sometimes the pool is over-chlorinated and your eyes burn.

(is chlorinated even a word? if not, i have created it. right here. and have even begun to use it with hyphens.)

so it goes, settling into this place formerly known as your familiar life. it's all your people around you again, and church, and horses who make your legs sore. bluesky mornings that make you squint when you look at your clock: 9 am, maybe you should get up.

however. there is this i-don't-know blanket over everything, behind the answer to every question. i alternately accept this as mystery and resign to it as despair. i say (and believe) i am not worried, turning up the music in my car--because i can. and then i begin to feel panicky, and turn the music down, trying to think soberly. david gray's "night blindness" gets stuck in my head: what we gonna do when the money runs out?

but then comes psalm 84, corporately read this morning: the sparrow finds her home. Providence (yes with a capital P) is much easier believed with five bucks in your pocket.

welcome to my journey into employment. into Providential trust. (happy new year, she says.)

Posted by bananie at January 5, 2003 12:00 AM | TrackBack